We spoke to Nigerian women who refused to walk away empty-handed after their relationship ended. From AirPods to a pot of pepper soup, here’s what they took back.

“He wanted his iPad back, so I took my PS5 too” — Ngozi*, 30

My ex and I had a very messy breakup. Not long after, he asked for the iPad he’d bought me because his sister was starting school and needed it. I knew exactly what he was doing. So  I told him there was no problem. I’d return the iPad if he returned everything I’d ever bought him.

He thought I was joking, but I showed up at his house with the iPad and left with my things. I collected the PS5 I’d bought him, the work chair I got him for his birthday, the air fryer, and every other thing I could remember paying for. He couldn’t believe it. I told him he was welcome to come to my house and collect anything he’d ever bought me too.

“I wasn’t going to let him drive his girlfriend in my car” — Bukky*, 46

I bought my first car with my own money shortly after I got married. Although it belonged to me, my husband gradually took control of it. He’d drop me off at work and use the car all day before picking me up later. 

It wasn’t convenient, but I believed what was mine was his. Eventually,  I saved up for another car and left that one for him. 

Then, in 2019, I found out he’d been cheating on me with a younger woman and driving her around in my car. When we separated briefly, the first thing I asked for was my car. He couldn’t believe it, but I insisted.

I eventually sold the car and kept the money. We eventually reconciled, but since then, I’ve been much stricter with what belongs to me.

“I wasn’t leaving my investment behind for him” — Awele*, 49

Before our divorce, my husband and I ran a food business together. When our marriage started falling apart, I suggested selling the business and splitting the proceeds, but he refused. He wanted us to keep running it together, but I knew he mostly wanted to keep benefiting from my labour. 

Although we both contributed to the business, I handled most of the cooking and day-to-day operations, while he did very little. Besides, I had no interest in working alongside someone I was divorcing.

We’d also been saving money in a joint account to expand the business, so I withdrew an amount equivalent to my investment and took the delivery bikes I’d paid for.

He was angry, but I stood my ground. If he wanted to keep the business, he could, but I wasn’t leaving my investment behind.

“I even took the pepper soup in his freezer” — Pearl* 28

I was living with my boyfriend when our relationship ended. Instead of trying to resolve our issues, he sent me a text saying he’d stay with his friends for a few days so I could pack my things and leave. 

That message pissed me off, so I did exactly what he asked. I packed my belongings and took everything I’d contributed to the house. I took the birthday cards I’d given him, our pictures, and even the pepper soup I’d cooked and stored in the freezer.

A few days later, he accused me of taking some of his belongings and threatened to involve the police. I ignored him.

“He dumped me, so I took back the AirPods” — Habiba* 21

I once gave this guy the original AirPods 4 because he’d been talking about them for months. I was a student and didn’t even own AirPods myself, so buying them left me seriously broke.

Not long after his birthday, he started acting differently and eventually told me he was no longer interested. I couldn’t stop wondering if he’d deliberately waited until after his birthday to end things.

I went to his place hoping we could talk things through, but he made it clear we were done. Then I spotted the AirPods beside his bed. How could I leave them behind? On my way out, I quietly slipped them into my bag.

Later, he sent a text asking if I’d seen them. I told him I hadn’t. Whether he knew I took them or not, I don’t care. At least I’m the one using AirPods now.

Read Next: The Worst Things Nigerians Have Heard in Situationships

We asked Nigerians to share the worst things someone they were in a situationship with ever said to them.

“Every future I try to imagine with you is blurry.”

I’d asked him to define what we were doing.Ěý

“What will I call you then? Babe?”

He said, when I asked him to stop calling me “Boss”.

“You made me realise men are cheap.” 

Apparently, she meant it as a compliment. 

“I can’t wait to be with white women.” 

He said, after we had sex, while talking about his plans to japa.Ěý

“You’re quite dull.”

I made spelling mistakes in the heat of texting him.

“Who told you to stop attending?”

I mentioned that I used to attend my church’s singles programme.

“What does that have to do with us?” 

He said, when I asked to go on a date with someone else.Ěý

“Commitment is not in my blood.”

 He then explained that his dad never married his mum.

“I hope you learnt a lesson or two.”

She said, when I finally broke up after seeing premium shege.Ěý

“I’ve already wasted my money and time.”

I’d asked why he was still with me if he didn’t like me.Ěý

“What if my real man passes me by?”

 She’d say, whenever I tried to hold her hand in public.

“I hope you have proof of me asking you out.”Ěý

He said in front of my friends, when I called him my BF.Ěý

“We can’t date because you’re too forward.”

His reason being I sent him “good morning” texts.Ěý

“Don’t you have friends to share this with?”

I ranted to him about having a bad day.Ěý

“I don’t want our kids to be bullied.”

He ended things because we were both “dark-skinned”.Ěý

“My life doesn’t revolve around you.”

He said, when I complained about how long he took to reply texts.Ěý

“I always forget about you when you leave.”

She admitted, when I asked why she never texted first.Ěý

Read Next: 6 Nigerians On The Worst Thing A Relative Did During Their Wedding

Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse

After years of financial control and abuse in her marriage, Faith* (38) walked away, knowing it would cost her the right to remain in the UK. 

In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how she rebuilt her life as a single mother and found unexpected support in another man.

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m single and not searching. I’ve had many ups and downs with relationships, and right now, being alone feels like the healthiest choice.

How did you get here? Walk me through your dating history.

My first serious relationship was in 2013, just around the same time I was wrapping up in university. 

I started dating Yomi*, someone I’d known through church for years. We’d grown up around each other but only became close as adults.

He was a really nice guy and easy to be around. The only problem was his family. Our mothers attended the same church and already had issues with each other. Somehow, that friction spilled into our relationship.

His mum frequently accused me of being rude or badly behaved. Despite the tension, Yomi and I tried to hold on, but the constant family drama chipped away at our relationship.

Was that what eventually ended it?

Not exactly. Less than a year into our relationship, I found out he’d been cheating on me with another girl from our church. I  never saw it coming.

I’m not sure why he cheated, but I felt his family constantly whispering in his ears made it easier for the relationship to fall apart. Whatever the case, I couldn’t forgive him, so we broke up.

I was still nursing the heartbreak when I met David*.

Tell me about David

He was a family friend. His aunt lived around our area, and my mum often talked about him because she felt sorry for everything he’d been through.

A few years earlier, David had lost his mum to cancer. She’d practically raised him alone, so losing her completely changed his life. He was the last child and had to move in with his aunt.

We were around the same age and became friends. David was jovial and fun to be around. Being around him pulled me out of my sadness. Before long, I  developed feelings for him.

We started dating in 2015, and within months, he asked if I’d marry him.

That was fast. Were you ready?

At the time, I thought I was. I grew up in a traditional family and had always wanted to marry young. When David proposed, my parents were thrilled.

I thought he was the perfect guy. After my experience with Yomi’s family, I also liked that there didn’t seem to be any family drama attached to him.

We got married in October 2016.

Tell me about the early years of your marriage. What were they like?

I quickly realised there were things about David I hadn’t known while we were dating.

The biggest shock was discovering how much David lied. He’d exaggerated his financial situation and told me his parents had left certain things behind for him, but much of it turned out to be a charade.

He was an engineer, but he didn’t have a stable job. He survived on small jobs here and there, which was very different from the impression he’d given me while we were dating. Whenever I questioned the inconsistencies, he became defensive.

His excuse was that he planned to relocate, so there was no point in committing to a permanent job. 

In 2017, he finally got an opportunity to move to the UK. Around the same time, I found out I was pregnant.

How did you feel about him leaving while you were pregnant?

I wanted him to wait. I was about three months pregnant and didn’t want to go through it alone. But David refused. During one of our arguments, he slapped me.

What? 

He’d never been violent before. I was shocked. He apologised almost immediately, and I convinced myself it was a one-off incident.

I had no idea it was the first glimpse of the man he’d become. He left for the UK later that year. 

How did your relationship cope with the distance?

We spoke regularly, but that didn’t make the pregnancy easier. I had fibroids, which made both the pregnancy and the birth of our son. It hurt that he wasn’t there to support me through any of it. 

Before relocating, David had sold almost everything we owned to fund his move.  With nowhere else to go,  I moved back in with my parents. 

I started teaching so I could contribute financially, but I was unhappy. I was married, yet I was living with my parents and raising our baby alone.

Once David settled in the UK, he started the process for my son and me to join him as his dependants. Even then, he claimed he couldn’t afford our visas and plane tickets, so my parents paid for everything. That’s how my son and I joined him in the UK in early 2019.

Did things improve after you reunited?

Not really. Almost as soon as  I arrived, David wanted me to start working. He didn’t care that our son was still a baby. Most days, I left him with a Nigerian couple who had helped David when he first arrived in the UK.

David found me a job at a local restaurant, and I started working almost immediately. That’s when he suddenly announced that things were different abroad. He said we had to split the expenses 50-50.

Unfortunately, my salary went into his account because I’d used his bank details when I started the job. So while he talked about equality, I didn’t even have control of my own half. Anytime I needed money, I had to explain what it was for before he’d release it. I hated being so dependent on him.

Then the pandemic hit in 2020. David’s salary was cut during the lockdown, which added to our issues. We fought constantly, and I saw more of the man he’d hidden before we got married.

I’m sorry. Did things get better?

They only did after  I got a better-paying caregiving job through a family connection in 2021. This time, I made sure my salary went into my own account.

David was upset. Even though I still contributed half of the household expenses, he complained that I wasn’t giving enough. He even reported me to someone in our community, hoping they’d convince me to hand over more of my salary. Instead, the person told him it was my money and that contributing half was fair.

I think losing control over my money made him angry. He’d ignore me for days at a time. Around that period, I discovered he was having an affair.

How did you find out?

I found messages on his phone. When I confronted him, he said we’d only had one child, and since I hadn’t gotten pregnant again despite trying, he decided to look out. For a while, his words made me feel guilty, as though I was responsible for his cheating. 

I also think our financial situation affected his self-esteem. He became obsessed with impressing people and maintaining a lifestyle we couldn’t afford. He’d brag to his friends about things when I knew the reality of our finances. At one point, he got a car he couldn’t keep up the repayments on, and it was eventually repossessed.

Whenever I tried to talk to him, he’d lash out. Eventually, he became physically violent again.

Hmmm

My cousin’s daughter came to the UK from Nigeria and needed somewhere to stay, so I allowed her to stay with us temporarily. David was furious. She was only with us for three weeks, but he made her extremely uncomfortable. He’d deliberately hide groceries and food so she couldn’t eat.

After she left, I confronted him. David took out his belt and beat me.

I’m sorry. Why did you stay after that?

I didn’t have a choice. My immigration status depended on him, and I couldn’t afford to leave without our child.

I also come from a traditional family where divorce isn’t considered an option. Whenever I spoke to my family, they told me to endure.

But David kept getting worse. He stopped going to church and spent more time drinking with his friends and wasting what little money he earned. By then, whatever love I had for him was gone. We were living like housemates.

By 2023, I reached my limit.

I got an opportunity for a better job and made the mistake of telling David. He went behind my back and interfered with the recruitment process, claiming it was for family reasons. Eventually, the opportunity fell through.

When I found out, I was furious. We got into an argument, and he slammed my head against the wall so hard that my ear and nose started bleeding.

It happened in front of our son. He burst into tears and begged his father to stop hurting me. Instead, David turned and started beating him, too.

I couldn’t take that. I called the police, and David was arrested.

Watching him attack our son made my decision for me. I couldn’t raise a child in a home where violence was normal.

During the attack, David had also grabbed my neck and threatened to kill me. I believed he was capable of doing it. I knew he wouldn’t be detained for long, and I feared for my life.

I had a friend in another city who’d been encouraging me to leave. I packed my things, moved in with her and filed for divorce.

How did David react?

At first, he threatened me. Then he begged. He involved people from our church and members of my family, hoping they’d convince me to return. But my mind was made up.

Once he realised I’d left for good, he reported our separation to the Home Office because my immigration status was tied to him.

Then he started fighting me for custody. He argued that if I lost my right to remain in the UK and returned to Nigeria, my son would have a worse life and that I’d subject him to child labour.

He took the matter to court, but he hadn’t considered the evidence of domestic violence. I got a lawyer involved, and we were in and out of court for months. My son was also interviewed separately and admitted that he was afraid of his father.

Eventually, the case worked in my favour. I received a five-year visa and was finally free from David.

I’m glad. What did starting over look like?

Even though I’d won, my life didn’t feel like it. I’d stopped working during that period and exhausted my savings on legal fees. I had almost nothing left.

The friend I was staying with had her own responsibilities and couldn’t accommodate my son and me indefinitely. I was almost stranded and even considered giving up and returning to Nigeria.

That was when I met George*. He was an older Nigerian man in our church community. When he heard I needed somewhere to stay, he offered my son and me a place in his home.

We started as friends, but over time, we got intimate. About seven months later, I found out I was pregnant.

Oh. How did you both react to the pregnancy?

I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep the pregnancy, but George was happy.

Eventually, I also decided to accept the pregnancy and move forward. We grew closer during that period, but I still wouldn’t describe us as a romantic couple. I was emotionally exhausted and had no interest in dating or marriage. George never pushed for marriage either.

Right. So, what happened after you had the baby?

Shortly after I had my daughter in 2024, I moved into my own place.

George and I agreed to co-parent. He’s an active father and provides for our daughter, but that’s where our relationship ends. He’s even dating someone else now.

Have you considered dating again?

I haven’t even entertained the thought. Right now, I want to make money and give my children the most comfortable life I can.

I’m finally in a good place. Why would I want to ruin it?

Fair enough. How have these experiences shaped the way you think about love and relationships?

The most important thing I’ve learnt is that people will always talk.

One reason I stayed in my marriage for so long was fear. I worried people would say I’d moved abroad only to get divorced. Eventually, the divorce happened, and people still talked. Even those who knew I’d survived abuse spread rumours that I’d left my marriage for George. I’ve stopped caring, and my life is so much better for it. 

I’ve also learnt that staying isn’t always what’s best for your children. 

My son recently told me he no longer wants to bear his father’s name because his father is a bad person. That broke my heart because I hadn’t realised how much he remembered. I hope that time helps him heal.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.

10/10. I love being single. Being a single mum has its challenges, but I feel happier and better off than I ever did while I was married.

Read Next: Married Nigerians on Staying After Their Partner Cheated

“Female friendship is the star of the show” —Kemi* 29

Love Island has convinced me that female friendships matter more than romantic relationships. F*ck the boys.

The women have built a community. Even when Melanie and Aniya liked the same man, they still looked out for each other. During Casa Amor time, they actually got to know the new boys before deciding there was a connection. Meanwhile, the men were quick to flirt and trash-talk the women they’d left behind.

Watching the girls celebrate each other and show up for one another made me realise how much we centre romance, even though friendships are often the relationships that carry us through our hardest moments. 

“Leave when they disrespect you” —Hadiza*, 26

Watching Melanie and Sincere reminded me why you should leave the first time someone disrespects you. They weren’t exclusive, so I don’t blame him for exploring other connections. The problem was the lies.

He told Melanie she was the only one while kissing other girls and making them the same promises. Every step of the way, he had the chance to be honest. Instead,  he kept everyone around by telling them what they wanted to hear.

Melanie kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. She even passed up another connection because she trusted him. By the time she found out the truth, she was physically shaking.

That’s why I don’t believe in waiting for someone to change. Every extra chance you give someone who’s already shown you who they are only makes the heartbreak worse.

“The producers have an agenda” —Fatima*, 28

The producers care more about drama than helping people find love.

Take Melanie and Sincere. Sincere is responsible for his behaviour, but the producers kept throwing things at Melanie just to get a reaction out of her. It felt like they wanted her to crash out for a viral moment,  not because they wanted her to know the truth. 

The show is supposed to be about finding love, but healthy couples barely get any attention because they’re “boring”. Instead, the people causing the most chaos get rewarded.

“The men are red-pilled” —Jessica*, 25

Nigerian men on X need to stop . Nobody is angry that he explored other connections. That’s the whole point of Love Island. People are upset because of how he treated the women he was coupled up with. He lied and disrespected them for no reason.

The most alarming part has been watching so many men excuse the guys’ behaviour. Zach and KC’s views on women sound exactly like the kind of red pill content that’s become popular in the US. I fear we’re slowly importing that mindset into Nigeria and treating manipulation like it’s just another dating strategy. 

“Corbin is racist” —Joshua* 31

I don’t think Corbin likes or supports Black women. The pattern is hard to ignore. 

Consider how he interacted with Aniya and Trinity compared to the other girls. He was eager to kiss Kayda and Melanie, but the only women he kept at arm’s length were the two Black women, despite seeming to have good connections with both of them.

To make things worse, his ex recently claimed on a live stream that he’s racist towards Black women. Watching him in the villa proves her point.

“Sincere isn’t boyfriend material” —Adam*, 26

The girls need to realise Sincere is perfect for a sneaky link, not a boyfriend. 

He’s anything but sincere. He’s a serial liar who tells every woman exactly what she wants to hear. Every time he messes around with someone new, he rewrites the story before taking it back to the girl he’s coupled up with.

When he kissed Sol, he told Melanie she’d initiated it, even though he leaned in first. Then he’d tell Sol he wanted to focus on her, only to turn around and tell Melanie he missed her and didn’t want things to end.

He doesn’t have a type. He just says whatever keeps his options open. The girls need to clock that and leave him alone.

“Women need to trust their intuition more” —Princess* 24

Women need to trust their intuition more. Aniya always seemed unsure about KC. You could tell she never fully relaxed around him, but she convinced herself to give him a chance because everyone else thought they were a good match.

Then the new bombshell arrived, and her body language changed immediately. She was happier and more affectionate without forcing it. KC couldn’t understand why she’d never been that way with him, but it’s clear she never felt safe with him. 

Too many women ignore their instincts because they don’t want to seem difficult or picky. But body language rarely lies.

“KC shouldn’t be on the show” —Osas*, 23

KC should’ve been dumped the moment nobody stepped to his door. That moment influenced his entire game. He expected someone to choose him. When nobody did, he settled with Aniya because it guaranteed him a place in the villa.

He fooled me with the nice guy act.  That’s why the KC we met in the first week is nothing like the KC we’re seeing now. He’s a scammer and should be voted out as soon as possible.

“Titi is a snake” —Chioma* 27

Titi isn’t a girl’s girl. She’s playing the long game in the villa.

She knows she needs the girls on her side, but she also can’t afford to lose KC. So she’s constantly walking the line,  defending the girls just enough to protect her image while making sure KC never takes the full heat.

I don’t think she’s clueless at all. I think she’s one of the most strategic people this season. I hope everyone catches unto her soon. 

Read Next: Married Nigerians on Staying After Their Partner Cheated

From partners who confessed their own infidelity to those who endured the painful process of uncovering a spouse’s betrayal, these stories reveal the grief, bargaining and difficult conversations that determine what comes after an affair.

“We both cheated and forgave each other” — Jemimah*, 36

My husband moved to Germany in 2019 while I remained in Nigeria. The distance was tough, but I stayed faithful and counted down the days until we could finally be together again. When I visited him in 2021, I found messages that revealed he’d been involved with another woman.

I was devastated. He apologised and insisted it had ended long before, but I was hurt. After I returned to Nigeria, I started an affair with a colleague who’d been flirting with me for months. I thought it would even the score or make me feel better. Instead, I felt guilty and ashamed.

I joined my husband in Germany in 2024, and we’ve spent the last year rebuilding our marriage. The trust didn’t return overnight, but we’re still together and slowly finding our way back to each other.

“My trust hasn’t returned” — Charles*, 45

My wife and I belonged to the same friendship circle before we got married. There had always been chemistry between her and another friend, but he moved abroad and life went on. We got married, built a life together and I never had any reason to doubt her.

Years later, a mutual friend told me my wife had admitted to kissing him after we’d married. When I confronted her, she admitted.

I chose to forgive her, but I couldn’t stop asking myself difficult questions. Had she settled for me because he wasn’t around? Four years later, we’re still together, but I still don’t trust her the way I used to. Whenever she’s away, I worry more than I should.

“I stopped expecting my husband to be faithful” — Bola*, 42

My husband has cheated on me multiple times throughout our marriage. Whenever I confronted him, he’d either deny it or turn the conversation into a lecture about respect.

For years, I hoped he’d change. Eventually, I realised fighting the same battle over and over only drained me. It never changed him. These days, I focus on my children and my peace. Whenever we’re intimate, we use protection because I refuse to put my health at risk.

People might not understand why I stayed, but marriage isn’t that simple. I’m not willing to walk away from everything we’ve built because of his behaviour.

“Our children discovered my wife’s affair” — Aminu*, 45

One day, our children showed me messages they’d found on my wife’s phone. As I read them, I realised she’d been exchanging explicit messages with another man. I later discovered money was involved, which she claims drew her into the relationship.

The affair hurt, but knowing our children uncovered her infidelity hurt even more. They should never have been exposed to something like that.

Our families eventually stepped in, and she cut off contact with the man. Since then, we’ve tried to rebuild our marriage. What I still struggle with is her attitude. I don’t think she truly understands the pain, embarrassment and humiliation the affair caused, especially for our children.

“He found someone else to act out his fantasies” — Charity*, 38

I didn’t realise my husband was addicted to pornography until it started affecting our marriage. What began as requests to experiment in the bedroom gradually escalated into fantasies involving peeing, choking and other things I wasn’t comfortable with.

My breaking point came when he wanted us to try anal sex. I told him that if those experiences mattered that much, he’d have to find someone else because I wasn’t willing to compromise my health.

To my shock, he did. His confession hurt, but it also forced us into honest conversations we’d avoided for years. We’ve accepted that we have very different expectations around sex and our marriage has become more peaceful since we stopped trying to change each other.

“My husband’s confession changed how I saw our marriage” — Mary*, 47

In 2017, my husband became deeply religious and decided to come clean about his past. During one of those conversations, he confessed that he’d cheated on me with two women I knew.

I was blindsided. We’d been married for years and I’d never suspected a thing. The betrayal was painful enough, but what hurt most was realising something so significant had happened under my nose.

He confessed because he wanted to move forward with a clear conscience, and I chose to stay.

Years later, the memory still returns when I least expect it. Sometimes I still wonder how someone I trusted so completely managed to keep a secret that big for so long.

“A joke ruined my trust” — Nonso*, 38

My wife and I have struggled to conceive since we got married, and the emotional toll has been enormous for both of us. During one conversation, she joked that she’d soon try having a child with someone else.

She laughed it off, but I couldn’t. I kept replaying those words and wondering whether she’d considered it. For the first time, I questioned both her commitment to our marriage and my adequacy as a husband.

We’ve talked about it since, and she insists it was only a joke. But I haven’t been able to let it go. Even though I have no reason to believe she’s been unfaithful, I catch myself watching her differently.

“He keeps his other family away” — Kayinsola*, 48

Before I married my husband, I made one thing clear: I never wanted a polygamous marriage. He grew up around polygamy but promised it would never happen to us. 

12 years later, someone called to tell me he’d impregnated another woman and planned to marry her. He broke a promise he’d made to me. I stopped speaking to him for a while because I couldn’t understand how the man I trusted could make a decision that would change our family forever.

Still, he went ahead with the marriage. Accepting that he has a second family is one of the hardest things I’ve done. We’re still together because he respects the boundaries I set. He keeps his other family completely separate from ours. Since they got married in 2022, I’ve only seen them once.

“I’m still in the marriage for my own reasons” — Joan*, 43

My husband cheated on me before we got married. I knew, but he convinced me it meant nothing emotionally. According to him, casual sex didn’t count as cheating, and I was young enough to believe him.

Marriage didn’t change anything. The affairs continued, usually during work trips or nights out with friends. Eventually, I grew numb. We’re still married, but infidelity changed how I see him. I slowly fell out of love, and these days, I’m only here because the marriage still benefits me.

“My wife’s affair came during our hardest season” — Chibueze*, 48

My wife confessed to an affair in 2014. We were struggling financially, and I wasn’t handling it well. I shut down emotionally and pushed her away every time she tried to get close. She said she felt lonely and neglected, but that explanation didn’t make the betrayal hurt any less.

I was convinced the marriage was over. I only stayed because our children were still young. I told myself I’d leave once they were older. But I never did.

Life slowly improved. I became more financially stable, and we found our way back to each other. I still wish she’d chosen a different way to deal with our problems. But I’ve also accepted that my emotional withdrawal created cracks in our marriage. Today, I no longer want a divorce.

“I found out about my husband’s second marriage from his cousin” — Zainab*, 59

My husband always promised he’d never take another wife. Then, in 1998, one of his cousins told me he was preparing to marry a younger woman. I was blindsided. He’d been transferred to a state near his hometown, and, from everything I later learnt, his family pressured him into marrying again.

What hurt most was that no one told me until the wedding day. Still, I attended and shared souvenirs. I wanted him to know I was aware.

The look on his face told me he’d never imagined I’d show up. Afterwards, I refused to compete with his new wife and continued treating him with kindness. As the universe will have it, their marriage didn’t last. Within three years, it had fallen apart.

“His affair nearly ended our marriage” — Prisca*, 43

One of my husband’s friends casually mentioned he had a girlfriend in the city where he worked.

At first, I thought it was a misunderstanding. Then I looked into it and found out it was true. Whenever he came home, I barely acknowledged him. We lived like strangers for months, and at one point, we were essentially separated.

But that wasn’t the end of our story. Eventually, time brought us back together. He moved back home full-time in 2024, and we had to face each other again. We started talking, listening to each other and were forced to deal with everything we’d avoided for years. Today, we’re in a much better place.

“I pretend we’re in an open marriage” — Jacob*, 47

My wife has cheated on me more than once. Each time, she’d apologise, promise to change and eventually do it again. One day, I simply stopped fighting. I work away from home for long stretches, and I got tired of trying to change someone who didn’t want to change.

Eventually, the anger disappeared. So did the disappointment about what our union had come to. 

We’ve stayed together because of our children and everything we’ve built over the years. I’ve accepted that pretending we’re in an open marriage works best for us. Now, when I’m away, I see other people too.

“I don’t want my children to experience divorce” — Imole*, 41

My husband’s infidelity has hurt me more than I can put into words. Still, leaving has never been an option. I grew up as a child of divorce. After my parents separated, I lived with my father and a stepmother who didn’t treat me well.

I’ve never forgotten what that felt like. That’s why I’ve always wanted something different for my own children. Over the years, I’ve stopped tying my peace to my husband’s choices.

Instead, I’ve focused on raising my children and becoming financially independent. There’s comfort in knowing that if I ever decide to leave, I’ll be able to stand on my own.

Ěý*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. The Parenting Shift explores how marriage changes once children enter the picture. Dropping July 10th.

Read Next: Married Nigerians Get Honest About Their First Years Together

In this story, Oreoluwa opens up about the bond with his puppy and why he hopes more people will see pets as family, not just animals.

I got Duke in 2023, at one of the lowest points in my life. I’d just lost my uncle, who was a second father to me, and I wasn’t coping well. I’d always been “too busy” whenever he asked me to visit. The day before I finally planned to see him, he died. 

I carried that guilt for months.  I became angry with the world,  withdrew  from everyone and distracted myself with working out, but nothing helped. If anything, I only became depressed. 

Growing up, my uncle always had dogs. They were a big part of our relationship. He bought me my first dog, and caring for animals became something we shared. After he passed, getting another dog felt like the closest thing to holding on to those memories.

That’s how I found Duke. A family in South Africa had just had a litter of puppies, and I adopted one. At first, I panicked. He’d just flown in and was throwing up. I remember thinking, What have I done? But I’d already committed, so there was no turning back.

Barely two days later, I hit another low. I filled Duke’s bowl with food, locked myself in my room, and decided I didn’t want to keep living. 

But Duke wouldn’t eat. Instead, he stayed outside my door, barking and scratching relentlessly until my neighbours came to check on us. Everything I’d planned fell apart.

When I finally opened the door, he climbed onto the bed and curled up beside me. It felt like he understood how I felt. That was the beginning of our bond.

Before Duke, physical touch wasn’t my thing. I hated hugs and rarely showed affection. But Duke would come looking for cuddles, and I quickly realised that being close to me made him happy. Without noticing it, I started changing too. 

The more I cared for him, the lighter I felt. Gradually, I found my way to happiness again.

Becoming a dog dad made me more patient. You can’t stay angry around a dog for long. He’ll just stare at you like he has no idea why you’re upset. Eventually, you soften.

When I started posting Duke online, Nigerians didn’t get it. People said I needed help because they couldn’t understand why a grown man would treat his dog like family.

Ironically, everything changed once our content started getting attention internatonally. Now, strangers stop me just to ask how Duke is doing. I’m glad we made more Nigerians see that pets deserve love, too.

But as Duke became more popular, I also realised I had to protect him. Some brands treat him like a prop and don’t care about his welfare during shoots. I’ve walked away from opportunities because of that. No amount of money is worth compromising his well-being. 

I even trust his instincts with people. Duke is one of the friendliest dogs you’ll ever meet, so if he doesn’t like someone, I pay attention. A friend used to frequent our place with toys and treats, but Duke refused to go near him. Later, I found out the person had been trying to scam me. 

I once liked someone who said she couldn’t date me because she didn’t want to compete with Duke for my attention. That made me realise that anyone I end up with has to understand that Duke isn’t just a pet. He’s family. 

Duke has also changed how I think about responsibility. In Nigeria, people get pets because they’re cute without understanding how demanding they are. They need proper food, healthcare, and attention. 

Pets aren’t accessories you pick up only when you’re in the mood. They depend on you, and loving them means showing up every single day. 

Read Next: My Soulmate Broke Up After A Car Accident Left Her Paralysed

Victor* (43) thought he’d found the woman he would spend the rest of his life with.Ěý Then a devastating accident changed everything. Years later, his second chance at love ended just as painfully.Ěý

In this episode of On the Streets, he opens up about his dating history and why he’s made peace with walking through life alone.

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m separated from my wife, so I’m single. It isn’t the life I imagined, but I’ve made peace with it.

How did you get here? Walk me through your dating history

The first woman I truly loved was someone I met at university. I met Anita* during my third year in 2010. She was a first-year student who was always  around her cousin, one of my close friends.

I developed a crush on her almost immediately, but I didn’t confess my feelings until she got to her second year. We started dating in 2011.

I’ve never met anyone I was more compatible with. It was a beautiful relationship. We understood each other, had similar personalities and hardly fought.

About nine months into the relationship, we started talking seriously about marriage. We both wanted it, but the timing wasn’t right.

Her parents wanted her to finish university first. By the time she graduated in 2015, I’d started my master’s degree and couldn’t afford a wedding yet. The plan was to marry after I completed my programme.

Unfortunately, life had other plans.

What happened?

In September 2015, Anita was crossing an expressway when a driver going against the traffic hit her and sped off. I didn’t even know anything had happened until I called her that evening. Someone else answered her phone and told me she was unconscious in the hospital.

I’ll never forget walking into that ward and seeing her lying there with tubes and machines. After several scans, the doctors told us she’d suffered a severe spinal injury.

I’m so sorry. Did she recover?

She was unconscious for two days. When she finally woke up, she couldn’t move anything below her neck. She kept saying she couldn’t feel her body. We all broke down in tears.

After about five weeks in the hospital, the doctors said there wasn’t much more they could do. They hoped physiotherapy would help, but there were no guarantees.

How did the accident affect your relationship?

She became a different person. The cheerful woman I knew disappeared. She cried often and was angry most of the time.

Whenever I tried to encourage her, she’d say I  didn’t understand what she was going through. We started arguing, even while she was still in the hospital.

Eventually, her mum took her back to the east because they believed she’d receive better care there.

Right. Did long distance work?

We tried. At first, we spoke every day, then she started withdrawing.

Sometimes she’d deliberately ignore my calls or ask her mum to say she wasn’t in the mood to speak.

I visited her that December. I wanted to help with things, but she’d get angry whenever I tried. She pushed me away every chance she got. I’d planned to stay for a week, but I left after four days.

After that trip, I promised I’d visit again, but I kept putting it off. Seeing her in that condition was heartbreaking, and the hostility made the thought of visiting emotionally exhausting.

For more than a year, we stayed together, but the relationship was barely surviving. Some days she’d sound hopeful, and we’d have good conversations. Other days, she’d shut me out.

Then I finished my master’s in 2017, and we had to confront the future we’d spent years planning.

Was marriage still on the table?

Honestly, I wasn’t sure anymore. I still loved her, but I also felt overwhelmed. I think she sensed it.

One day, she brought up the conversation herself.

She asked if we should break up because she couldn’t see the point of marriage in her condition. We argued, then she asked me what plans I was making for our future.

When I couldn’t give her a concrete answer, she said she didn’t want someone marrying her out of pity. She wasn’t in the right headspace for marriage. Then she ended the relationship.

How did you take the breakup?

It hurt, especially because she didn’t even want us to stay friends or keep in touch.

But alongside the heartbreak, I also felt relief. And that’s the part I’ve struggled to forgive myself for. I could’ve fought harder for the relationship. Instead, I chose the easier path.

Around the same time, the university offered me a lecturing position after my master’s, so I buried myself in work.

Did you ever fall in love again?

Not for years.  I avoided serious relationships because I convinced myself Anita was the one for me. I didn’t want to risk getting my heart broken again.

That was until I met Godiya* in 2021. I spotted her from behind while having lunch at a canteen because I thought she was someone I knew. When she turned around, I’d mistaken her for someone else.

I apologised, but we ended up talking. She was a master’s student in another faculty, and from that first conversation, I was drawn to how warm and charismatic she was. I initially intended to keep things casual, but before long, we started dating.

After she completed her programme, she relocated to Abuja. We continued long distance, and I proposed soon afterwards. 

We got married in 2022.

What was married life like?

It started well, but it didn’t take long before I noticed things I’d overlooked while we were dating.

Godiya always wanted things done her way. She was quite selfish, and I constantly found myself adjusting to keep the peace.

We met while I was lecturing in Niger State, but after the wedding, she refused to move there. She wanted me to transfer to Abuja instead. I agreed to relocate eventually, but every transfer opportunity fell through.

It became such an issue that both our families got involved. Eventually, they persuaded her to move to Niger.

Did things improve after that?

Not really. She never made any effort to settle in Niger. She didn’t look for a job, so everything fell on me.

I even set up a business for her so she’d have something productive to do. She sold the first batch of stock, spent the money on other things and never continued the business.

I became increasingly frustrated. Some days, I’d stay late at the office because I’d rather be at work than go home. 

Less than a year into our marriage, she got pregnant.

Did that help your relationship?

I hoped it would. I thought becoming parents would bring us closer.

Instead, things got worse. She became even more irritable, and after our daughter was born, the tension only grew. Sometimes she’d speak to me with so much hostility that I’d wonder what I’d done to deserve so much resentment.

Eventually, she told me she’d found a job in Abuja and wanted to move back. I was reluctant to let her leave because of our daughter, but I convinced myself the distance might help us. So I agreed.

Did it help?

The distance finished what was left of our marriage. She rarely visited and always had reasons why I couldn’t come to Abuja. Even when I managed to visit, she’d ask how long I planned to stay. I barely got to spend time with my daughter.

At some point, it stopped feeling like a marriage. We’ve practically been separated since 2024, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked for a divorce last year. The process is still ongoing, but emotionally, I’ve accepted that the marriage is over.

I also heard rumours that Godiya was in a serious relationship with another man. I’ve always suspected she’d been involved with him before our marriage ended, although she never felt she owed me an explanation.

Have you been able to move on?

In a way. Earlier this year, I started seeing a colleague. Once she started talking about marriage and our future together, I realised I wasn’t ready for that.

After everything I’d been through, I can’t imagine getting married again.

How have these experiences shaped the way you see love and relationships?

Marriage doesn’t fix incompatibility. If two people aren’t truly aligned, getting married won’t change that.

I’ve also learnt that you can do everything possible to make someone happy, compromise your own needs and keep trying. But if their mind is off, nothing you do will ever be enough.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.

8/10. Ironically, this has been the most peaceful period of my adult life.

My career is thriving. I’ve earned my doctorate, and my next goal is to become a professor before I turn 50.Ěý That’s where all my energy is going now.

The only thing that still hurts is being away from my daughter. Once everything is finalised, I hope to get her back. I want her to know that her father has never stopped caring about her.

Read Next: Married Nigerians Get Honest About Their First Years Together

From newlyweds still riding the honeymoon high to couples who struggled to adjust after saying “I do,” these stories reveal the compromises, surprises and hard lessons that shape married life. 

“Marriage opened doors I never expected” — Ibrahim*, 30

Money was one of the reasons I hesitated to get married. I loved my wife, but I didn’t feel financially ready. I worried that marriage would add more pressure to an already uncertain situation.

But from the beginning, my wife’s family treated me like one of their own. Her brother, especially, played a huge role in our lives. He supported us when we were starting out and eventually connected me to the opportunity that led to my current job.

People talk about the financial responsibilities that come with marriage, but I never expected it could also open doors. 

“Relocating abroad pushed us apart” — Uzo,* 31

A few months after we got married in 2024, my wife and I relocated to Canada. Before then, I imagined marriage would automatically mean more time together and a better sex life. Instead, the opposite happened.

We worked different shifts, so by the time I got home, she was leaving for work. When she returned, I was already gone. We were both trying to stay afloat financially in a new country, and our lives revolved around work.

The hardest lesson was realising that love alone wasn’t enough. Marriage still required effort and intention.

Things only improved after our first year, when we became more financially stable and deliberately started prioritising each other.

“Joining our accounts was a big mistake” — Janet*, 29

After our wedding in 2023, my husband suggested we operate a completely joint account. I didn’t mind sharing responsibilities, but we had very different attitudes towards money. I like saving and planning ahead. He likes spending.

The disagreements started when he expected complete transparency about my savings, even though he wasn’t contributing nearly as much to the account himself. My breaking point came when he used a large portion of our savings to buy a car we’d never discussed.

I was furious. Eventually, I ended the arrangement altogether. But that experience shaped finances in our marriage going forward. Now, we split household responsibilities and manage our finances separately.

“I gained an entire family” — Ada*, 31

One of my biggest fears about marriage was having in-laws. I’d heard enough horror stories to convince myself there would be tension after the wedding. My husband comes from a very close-knit family, and because they all live near one another, I worried I’d constantly feel overwhelmed or scrutinised.

Instead, they welcomed me with open arms. At first, I assumed they were only making an effort because we were dating and they wanted the relationship to work. But years later, they’re still just as kind, supportive and involved in my life.

Nobody told me one of the best parts of marriage could be gaining a community of people who care about you.

“I struggled to accept I was his second choice” — Biola*, 68

Before I married my husband in 1978, he had been courting my sister. They planned to marry, but while he was away at school, she moved on and married someone else. My father then encouraged him to consider me.

Even after our wedding, I couldn’t shake the insecurity. I constantly compared myself to my sister and struggled to settle into the marriage as a result.

But over the years, we’ve built a beautiful life together. Gradually, I had to stop seeing him as the man who once loved my sister and started seeing him as my husband. Looking back, I’m grateful I didn’t allow those fears to define our marriage.

“Financial decisions were no longer mine alone” — Seun*, 37

I’ve always been close to my family and regularly supported my siblings financially. When I got married in 2019, my wife wasn’t comfortable with how much money I sent home, and we often argued about it.

At the time, I felt frustrated. It was my money, and I believed I should be able to help my family however I wanted. Eventually, I realised she wasn’t trying to stop me from supporting them. She was asking me to think about our future as a family unit.

It took many difficult conversations to find balance. I still support my family, but marriage requires far more compromise than I expected.

“Adjusting together was hard” — Adam*, 29

Before I married my wife, we’d spent time together, but never long enough to see each other’s everyday habits. Then suddenly, we were sharing a home full-time.

She constantly complained about things that seemed insignificant to me, like how I cleaned my sponge or organised my side of the room.

At first, I felt she was being overly critical. Her tone irritated me, and I became defensive.

Over time, I had to accept the reality that marriage is largely about adjustment. We were two people raised differently. Our marriage has worked because I asked for her patience. I’ve also made more effort with the things that matter to her.

“We weren’t prepared for long distance” — Juwayriya*, 33

A few months after we got married in 2023, I got my first major job offer in another state. My husband and I assumed the distance would be temporary, but it has become one of the biggest challenges that’s shaped the start of our marriage.

We rarely see each other because I’m scared of road trips and can’t always afford flights. After the first year on the job, my husband asked me to move back because the arrangement clearly wasn’t working.

The distance has created tension, frustration and constant arguments. But I’m not ready to walk away from a job I worked so hard to get. Two years later, we’re still trying to find a balance.

“I struggled with losing my personal space” — Success*, 37

I struggled with losing my personal space after marriage. I’d spent most of my adult life single and valued my independence.

My husband, on the other hand, wanted to do everything together. He was constantly affectionate and wanted to be involved in every part of my day. It got to the point where I could barely take a shower alone.

I knew it came from love, but I found it overwhelming. I also felt guilty because so many people would love a partner who was that attentive, while all I wanted was some space.

Eventually, I had to talk to him about it. He hated hearing it, but he’s made an effort to respect my boundaries. I’m also still learning how to share my space with someone else.

“I thought marriage would create boundaries with his friends” — Aisha*, 28

One of the biggest surprises of getting married this year was realising my husband’s relationship with his friends wasn’t going to change.

I’d assumed marriage would naturally create more boundaries, but they’re always around. The issue isn’t just how often they visit. I struggle with some of their views and the way they talk about women.

My husband sees them as brothers and insists I’ll eventually warm up to them. But that’s never going to happen.

“I’m not comfortable with my wife’s job” — Matthew*, 35

I’m a 35-year-old man married to a woman who works at a nightclub, and often gets home very late. When we were dating, I didn’t think it would be a problem. I knew what she did for a living and accepted it. But now that we’re married and live together, I’ve found it much harder to adjust than I expected.

There’s something different about waiting up for your spouse at odd hours and knowing you’ll go to bed alone most nights. It has made me realise that some things feel very different once you’re sharing a life with someone.

I’ve tried talking to her about finding ways to adjust her schedule, but she believes I knew exactly what I was signing up for, and she’s not wrong.

“Our marriage started with a family crisis” — Ebuka*, 41

Shortly after our wedding in 2022, my wife’s family went through one crisis after another. Her father was involved in an accident, and not long after, her sister broke her leg and moved in with us for several months.

My wife was always caring for someone or dealing with an emergency.

I understood why she needed to be there for them, but it was hard. We never got the newlywed experience people talk about. We rarely had time alone, and the constant stress left her exhausted.

There were moments I felt frustrated, but I chose to support her through it. Looking back, I’m glad I did. 

“I wasn’t prepared for how strict my husband could be” — Mairo*, 49

One of the biggest shocks in my marriage was discovering a side of my husband I’d never seen before.

I knew he was disciplined, but after we got married in 2009, I realised he had very rigid ideas about how a wife should behave. He expected me home at certain times and often got upset when I didn’t meet those expectations.

Early in our marriage, I attended a friend’s party that ended around 10 p.m. By the time I got home, it was close to 11 p.m. My husband refused to let me into the house.

I stood outside and called someone from church to speak to him before he finally opened the gate.

We clashed often over issues like that, but over time we learned each other’s limits and found healthier ways to resolve disagreements. There’s far less friction than there used to be, but he’s still a disciplinarian at heart.

“The honeymoon phase hasn’t ended” — David,* 35

During wedding prep, people warned us that things would change. They said the excitement would fade, and that, eventually, we’d grow tired of each other. Two years later, I’m still waiting for that to happen.

Of course, life hasn’t been smooth. We have bills, responsibilities and far less free time than we did while dating. But my wife is still my favourite person to spend time with.

Maybe it helps that we spent so much time together before marriage. Whatever the reason, I haven’t experienced the boredom people insisted was inevitable. If anything, living together has made us closer.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. After the Affair follows couples who survived infidelity and stayed together. Dropping July 3rd.

They share the moments they realised their relationships had become manipulative or abusive. 

“He couldn’t accept that I wanted to leave” — Tina*, 37

In 2019, I started seeing a married man who was twice my age. By 2021, I’d had enough. I wanted to meet people who were closer to my age. He couldn’t understand why I’d want to leave. He felt it was perfectly fine for him to have a wife and family, but I wasn’t allowed to see anyone else.

He eventually agreed, but I made the mistake of telling him about my first date. He acted unbothered. Then visited my apartment and left with every key I  owned. I only realised when I was about to leave for my date. Since I couldn’t risk leaving my apartment unlocked, I missed the date. He ignored my calls and denied taking the keys, but I knew better.

When I finally ended the relationship, things got worse. He demanded I return everything he’d ever bought me and even sent his driver to collect the double-door fridge he’d gifted me. 

“She mocked me when I got her gifts” — John*, 28

In 2024, I dated a woman who was six years older than me. I didn’t care about the age gap, but she clearly did.

She only introduced me as her cousin, never let me meet her friends and laughed when I officially asked her to be my girlfriend.

Whenever I told her it hurt, she’d guilt-trip me by bringing up her past relationships and why she wasn’t ready.

I kept trying to prove myself. I’d spend part of my NYSC allowance buying her thoughtful gifts, only for her to mock me and ask why I wasted my corper’s allowance.

I eventually realised she was ashamed of being with me. She wanted all the benefits of being with me, she just didn’t want anyone to know.

“I can’t speak when he’s speaking” — Bukky*, 47

My husband is 13 years older than me. When we got married, I thought I’d struck gold with an established man while my mates were just starting their careers.

I now realise age was just a way for him to control me. He believes that being older automatically makes him right. Even though I earn my own money, I still drive the old Peugeot he gave me because buying myself a car would be seen as disrespect. Whenever I challenge him, my family tells me to let it go because he’s older.

What hurts the most is how he humiliates me in public. If I disagree with him or even contribute to a conversation, he’ll put me down. I even left my church after he embarrassed me in front of our pastor for sharing my opinion. After all these years, I don’t think he sees me as an equal.

“His beliefs are too rigid” — Yeesha*, 49

The biggest challenge in my age gap marriage is my husband’s rigid traditional beliefs. He refuses to eat refrigerated food and insists every meal must be cooked fresh. Even now, he believes akara should be ground on a stone.

For years, I’d rush home from work to cook from scratch just to keep him happy. Eventually, my daughters and I got tired. We started reheating refrigerated food and serving it to him. He never noticed.

He only found out after our new house help mentioned reheating his food. He stopped eating at home for a week and told my family members I’d disrespected his authority and was starving him. In the end, I apologised just to keep the peace.

Nothing has changed, though. I still refrigerate food without his knowledge, and I finally bought a food processor. At my age, I’m not pounding yams to prove I’m a good wife.

“He won’t let me outgrow my past” — Chinyere*, 29

I married an older man I dated in university. Sometimes, I wish we’d left it there.  His manipulation became obvious after we had our daughter. One day, I posted a photo of her rocking a cute beach outfit on WhatsApp. He called me a reckless mother and said I was dressing her to turn out the way I did.

He’s never stopped judging me for my past. Because we met at a club, he still questions my character and says I’m not a trustworthy woman, even though I’ve changed completely since becoming a wife and mother.

Now, he barely lets me take our daughter out with my friends because he thinks they’ll influence her. What scares me most is how his actions will rub off on our daughter.

Read Next: 4 Generations, 1 Question: At What Point Should a Marriage End?Ěý

But how much does a person’s generation influence their views on marriage? To find out, we asked six Nigerian women from different generations to debate this issue. Here’s their argument.

Charity*, 29 (Gen Z)

I’m getting married later this year, and I don’t believe in divorce. Our generation seems too comfortable with leaving. If you’re standing in front of people and promising to spend your life with someone, you should mean it. 

A lot of the problems that people divorce over could have been spotted before marriage. Sometimes it feels like people enter marriage already knowing they have an exit plan if things don’t work out.

If you’re getting married, it should be because you’ve decided you’ll do everything possible to make it work. 

Ife*, 51 (Gen X)

A few years ago, I would’ve agreed with Charity.

I used to think divorced people gave up too easily. My parents divorced in the 1980s, when it carried more stigma than it does today. For years, I blamed my mother for leaving.

That changed after my father died and I reconnected with her. She told me how he mistreated her and sometimes let us go hungry because he refused to give her money. She endured all that until he impregnated her closest friend. Hearing her side of the story changed how I think about divorce. 

I still believe marriage requires compromise, and I don’t support ending a marriage simply because you’ve fallen out of love. But if a relationship is destroying your mental or physical well-being, leaving is the right thing to do.

Lizzy*, 56 (Gen x)

I understand Ife’s point, but I still think people leave too quickly.

Personally, I’d consider separation but never divorce. And I’ll only separate if it involves domestic or s*xual abuse. Beyond that, I believe marriage means committing to difficult seasons.

My husband struggled with gambling when we were younger, and he also cheated. Those things hurt deeply. There were times I felt angry and disappointed, but I refused to let his actions erase the family I’d built.

I’ve learnt that people change. If I’d left during those difficult years, I would’ve missed out on the relationship we have today.

Faiza*, 40 (Millennial)

The problem is that people are always trying to decide which offences are serious enough to justify divorce. 

I think the real question is whether the marriage is still working for the people in it. Everybody has different dealbreakers. One person might be able to cope with financial problems but draw the line at religious differences. Someone else might feel the exact opposite. That’s why I don’t think there’s a universal standard for leaving.

Kim Kardashian ended her marriage after 72 days, and everyone mocked her. But if she already knew it wasn’t working, why stay? She could’ve remained there for another 20 years and reached the same conclusion.

Of course, people should support each other through difficult periods. But there’s a difference between a temporary problem and a failed relationship. The decision to stay or leave belongs to the people in the marriage, not the public.

Amaka* 24 (Gen Z)

One of the biggest reasons people suffer in marriage is that we’ve convinced ourselves that selfishness is a bad thing.

Everybody talks about compromise, but if I’m married, I’ll ask whether the relationship is making my life better. If the answer is no, why should I stay?

People romanticise suffering far too much. The moment a marriage faces serious problems, the expectation is that you stay and work through it together no matter what.

Maybe that’s the right choice in some situations. But would that person make the same sacrifices for me? Would they extend the same grace they’re asking from me?

At the end of the day, marriage is an agreement between two people. If that agreement stops working, I don’t think anyone should continue staying. 

Rahma* 17 (Late Gen Z)

Divorce should be celebrated more than marriage.

Maybe I’ll change my mind when I’m older, but that’s how I feel right now. A lot of it comes from watching my parents. They separated at one point, and her family was ready to support her, but she went back because she wanted to keep fighting for the marriage.

My dad was an alcoholic who never changed until he passed. Now, my mum talks about all the things she wishes she’d done differently. I believe everyone would’ve been better off if they had divorced.

People always say staying is the brave thing to do. I don’t agree. It takes more courage to walk away, and we should encourage it.

Read Next: 5 Nigerian Women on Mistaking Obsession for Love