For a country where people fall in love and get married every day, we鈥檙e surprisingly bad at the part that鈥檚 supposed to get us there. Flirting should be light and playful, but we seem determined to do the exact opposite.
鈥淚 thought he was cute at first, but after the date, he wouldn’t stop calling me. When I told him it was getting too much, he said he had the right as my future boyfriend. I got scared.鈥 鈥 Mariam*, 29
鈥淚 could never tell if she liked me because she was always so aggressive. I eventually stopped talking to her because I thought I was bothering her. Then she came back asking why I’d disappeared. The whole time, I thought she hated me.鈥 鈥 Shola*, 24
We just met, please
The problem might be that many Nigerians treat flirting as a means to an end. Every interaction must lead somewhere.
The average Nigerian man might not know your surname, but trust that he’s already telling you how beautiful your children will be and promising you the whole world.
Women, we aren’t innocent
Our favourite way to show interest is by insulting the person we like.
The first time I met someone I was talking to, he asked me something about the road while driving, so I asked if his eyes were bent.
Is it flirting without a little wickedness?
God forbid you’re actually interested
Remember secondary school, when liking your seatmate meant going out of your way to make them your enemy? Society hasn’t let us outgrow that. Women are often told that showing too much interest makes them look desperate or cheap. Men, on the other hand, are expected to pursue aggressively.
We didn’t exactly have the best examples
Many Nigerians didn’t grow up seeing much romance at home. You knew your parents loved each other because your mum saved the biggest piece of meat for your dad.
The only other examples we had came from Nollywood, which left us traumatised.
Do we need to fix it?
Despite all that, our population proves that Nigerians still connect with each other and find love. But the journey there could be a lot more fun if we stopped complicating the art of flirting.
To help us get back to basics, we asked people for their best tips:
“Use eye contact, light touches and little gestures over time. The problem is that people want to force a connection immediately. Give it time and let the tension build naturally.” 鈥 Joy (Sex therapist)
“Compliments are great, but make them specific. Instead of just saying someone is beautiful, admire their outfit or something they said. It shows you’re actually paying attention. Just don’t overdo it.” 鈥 Andrew (serial flirt锛
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